What We Do in the Dark

Male and female feet in bed under blankets

When we were kids, did we prevent our parents from having sex as much as our kids do? Trick question, I know, because our parent's never had sex, right?

In the 19 years that I lived with my parent's I don't recall having the slightest inkling that they had or were having sex. There were no running into the bedroom on a stormy night to find them in a compromising position. There was no wink wink, nudge nudge come out to the woods to fetch some firewood, if you know what I mean. In fact, I am fairly certain, my parent's developed a sex life after my brother and I moved the heck out of the house.

I'd share the details with you but they are far too chilling.

I'm not too certain that my kids will have live in the same shadow of innocence that my brother and I lived under. In fact, I am guessing that they are totally aware and love to mess with us. On a few occasions, when my wife and I are "sleeping in", one of our daughters has snuck in the room and appeared at the end of our bed - like a freaking ninja - just smiling and asking what we are doing. The have also barged in the room to tell us we've received a text message, to ask what is for breakfast, sing a song they just learned or inquire as to who is winning the "wrestling match".

To prevent their psyches' from being too damaged at the image of their parent's "bumping ugly", we have taken to building makeshift walls or blankets and pillows in front of our bed to at least buy some time to cover up before they come through the door. We've told them to always knock first before entering and have come close to putting a scrunchie on the door knob (like we are college roommates) or buy a lock for the door.

Unlike my brother and I, my kids aren't dumb. They know what we are up to. They are also smart enough to know how babies are made. And since they want a dog instead of a brother or sister, they don't want to take the risk. Locked doors and scrunchies be damned, there is no way their mama and daddy are getting alone time to mess everything up.

So now my wife and I have become fugitives from own bedroom. We "do laundry" together or "clean the basement" on weekends. Sometimes, we stay up late well after our kids bedtime to watch "Netflix". Occasionally, we might "get lost" while visiting a friend's house or go on an overnight "business" trip.

Hopefully, one day, we won't have to sneak around like a couple of teenagers. I can't see that happening any time soon. When our own kids become teenagers, they will most likely be skeezed out by what mama and daddy do in the dark. Alas, we'll probably have to wait a long, long time until we are empty nesters.

I wonder just how "adjustable" a Craftmatic Adjustable Bed truly is.



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Picture of Mark Medland

Author: Mark Medland

Mark Medland is a 40 something father of five who lives in Mississauga, Ontario. When he is not working at one of the big Canadian banks or raising his kids, he likes to cheer for the Habs and eat amazing food with his wife Vanessa.

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