That horrible, heartbreaking day. It’s one you’ll never forget. It could have happened just last week, last month or even several years ago. No matter how long ago it happened, it still hurts, it still brings tears to your eyes, and yes…it still matters.
October is National Pregnancy Loss & Infant Loss Awareness Month. It’s not something we talk about often or openly. In fact, before now, I’ve really only shared my story with a handful of people. Mainly because it’s not something that comes up in everyday conversation, but also because for some, it can be a very sensitive topic.
Just over 10 years ago, I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks pregnant. I was already a Mom to a happy and healthy almost one year old at the time and I had just found out about a week before the miscarriage that I was pregnant. We barely had time to get excited before it all came crashing down. I remember being upset, I remember wondering if I had done something to cause it, and I vividly remember thinking:
“Do I even have a right to be upset about this? I mean, I was barely pregnant!”
Now, I know that the answer was; yes, of course you do.
I think I initially felt that way because I know so many women who have had multiple miscarriages. Women who have had miscarriages much further along in their pregnancies. Women who have had a heartbreaking stillbirth. Women who lost a baby to illness before even having a chance to celebrate their first birthday.
I think about these women and I think about how I shouldn’t be upset about my miscarriage at 6 weeks because others have dealt with so much worse. And I think a lot of women who have miscarriages early on feel the same way. But you know what? You’re still allowed to be upset about it. We’ve all been through different things and we all grieve differently. Yes, some losses are harder than others, but that doesn’t mean we should hide our feelings or feel bad about them. We all experienced a loss and we’re allowed to mourn that loss.
I went on to have a D&C and I got pregnant again just two months after my miscarriage. I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and another beautiful baby boy. Do I wonder if the baby I lost was a boy or a girl? Absolutely. Do I think about whether he or she would have looked like their big brother? Of course. But then I think about how if I had that baby - I wouldn’t have my youngest right now, and I can’t even begin to imagine my world without him. Thinking about it that way makes it a little easier. At least it does for me.
If you take anything away from this story, it should be this; there’s no right or wrong way to deal with a loss. If it helps, talk about it. If it doesn’t, don’t. Just know, you’re not alone.