What I Wish I Could Tell My Dad

Dad

This Father’s Day call your dad, give him a hug, tell him how much he means to you. Do it for me because I can’t tell my father just how much I love him. June 19 marks the 5 month anniversary of my father’s death. He was a great man, the best man I will ever know.

You think your parents are invincible, that you won’t have to say goodbye until you’re old and grey yourself. My Nonna passed away in her 98th year, I figured I had so much more time with my dad. Sure, he had some health issues, what 65 year old doesn’t? But my dad, he would live forever.

Losing a parent when you're in your twenties is like losing a limb. When I used to think of my future, my dad would be right there beside me. Walking me down the aisle at my wedding, holding my children, spoiling them like every grandfather loves to do. Now when I think of my future, I can’t fully picture it. I can’t imagine not sharing those milestones with him. I know over time things will settle and go “back to normal” but I’m not sure what that will look like for me.

A very important person in my life told me that all the time spent with my father, all the lessons he taught me, were helping me prepare for the days without him. Now I can see how true this really is. Every decision I make, every time I would call my dad and ask him for guidance, I can imagine his voice telling me what I should do.

I wish I would have let him know more often how much he meant to me. I wish I would have rolled my eyes at him less, listened more intently to his stories that I had heard 50+ times, laughed at his corny dad jokes, and hung out with him more. Most of all, I wish I could have said I love you and goodbye.

When you lose someone so quickly and with no warning you have regrets. You wish that you could have 5 more minutes with them. This Father’s Day I wish my dad, wherever his soul may be, knows that I love him and I miss him more than words can describe.

Picture of Sandra Barbera

Author: Sandra Barbera

Sandra Barbera is an avid traveler and lover of the internet. You can find her on Twitter @sandrabells

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