When I first met my husband I fell in love fast. He was everything that I had been searching for. I was ready to settle down and he seemed to have all the qualities I wanted in a husband and a potential father for my children.
We jumped into a relationship quickly and before long I started to see that all the qualities that made him seem absolutely perfect to me were accompanied by qualities that were frustrating and difficult.
I started to worry. Had I jumped too fast?
The perfectionist in me has always lived in fear that if something isn’t perfect maybe it isn’t right.
Logically I know that everyone has flaws, myself included but I was still trying to find perfection. Something inside me told me that perfection did exist; that I just had to try and find it or somehow try to create it.
Then my kids were born.
The moment I laid eyes on my children I loved them fiercely and intensely. I love them when they are smiling and giggling. I love them when they are snuggled up close to me, their warmth seeping into the depths of my soul. I love them when they are grumpy and fussy and even in the moments when there was poop exploding out of the back of their diaper.
As they started to grow into their own people, their unique personalities started to shine through like little rays of sunshine. They are curious, kind, generous and forgiving but they are also stubborn, difficult and can be whiny.
As all of these unique aspects of who they are continue to be exposed I fall in love with them even more. I don’t love them any less because of their flaws in fact it’s these aspects that make me love them even more.
Instead of being frustrated by my son’s intense need for structure and his trouble handling it when something doesn’t go as planned, I try my best to understand him, to accept that his is a part of who he is and to work with him.
I work with him rather than against him.
I choose to view my daughter’s strong will as a strength rather than a weakness. Though it’s difficult for me at times now, it will serve her well as she gets older. When she is brave enough to stand up to me and tell me I’m wrong when I am, I am not angry with her, I am proud of her.
What does this have to do with the love I have for my husband you may ask?
One day, after my husband had complained about the socks that I left on the floor beside the couch for the hundredth time, instead of being annoyed I recognized his need for order. Was it frustrating to me to hear him complain while I relaxed on the couch after a long day? Yes, a little. I realized in that moment that he wasn’t trying to push my buttons but instead this was a part of his personality. He needs order.
In that moment I realized that I can love my husband for all the wonderful parts of him and I can still love him for the little nuances that make him who he is; even the annoying ones. I love him for his strength, for the way he always puts us first, I love how affectionate he is and how loyal. I also love the way he gets flustered before our son’s soccer games, I love how he needs everyone out of the kitchen when he’s cooking and though he’s ruined a couple of really nice sweaters I even love that he doesn’t always separate the colours properly when doing laundry.
This doesn’t mean that I never get annoyed with them or even angry but even in moments when all I can do is walk away out of sheer frustration, my heart still bursts with love.
Becoming a mother and loving someone so intensely that you see right past all their flaws has showed me that real love isn’t about everything being perfect.
Real love is about loving someone even through all their imperfections.
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