By “C” Medland
It’s a fact. Two out of two parent’s agree – brushing your teeth is important. So important that you have to do it every day. Twice a day actually.
I’m not so sure what all the fuss is about. My mouth is full of baby teeth so who cares if I get cavities? They are all going to fall out and I am pretty sure that the tooth fairy doesn’t care if they are rotten and smelly.
Also, if brushing your teeth is something that you need to do every day, then why is the toothpaste so gross? You’d think that adults would figure out how to make it taste good – good enough that you didn’t have to spit it out. I’m pretty convinced it is poison. My parents tell me it isn’t but I can’t take the chance.
When brushing your teeth, it is important that you get every speck of toothpaste off the toothbrush. You can turn up the tap really high or just slide your finger over the paste. Make sure you get it down the drain before your parents see you or else they may get upset and put more on.
On the days when I am allowed to brush my own teeth, I like to spend a good 2 minutes looking into the mirror. You can make a lot of faces in two minutes (you can do more in 5 minutes but who has the time?). My friend Rosie can make a monkey face. I am not sure how she does it. I like to practice a lot. My mama and daddy don’t like it when I make faces before bedtime, so when I hear them come to the bathroom, I quickly glide the toothbrush over my front teeth. At this point, I remember that the poison toothpaste has hit my mouth and I quickly spit several times into the sink and drink the biggest glass of water.
When daddy sees this, he poops his pants (not really but it is fun to imagine) and tells me he is going to brush my teeth because the dentist is to expensive. He then puts a glob of toothpaste bigger than my head and tries to brush my teeth. To protect myself from two whole alphabet songs, I lift my legs in the air and clamp my mouth shut. This makes daddy really mad as he tries to put me on his knee, open my mouth and brush my teeth. Usually, mama comes in to save me. She brushes my teeth with half the toothpaste and only one alphabet song.
When I am done, I have to drink another ginormous glass of water. I like to spit the water out really hard into the sink. This makes a big splash which is kind of cool but no so much to mama and daddy. I usually have to change my pyjama shirt because brushing your teeth is messy business. Afterwards, I forgive mama and daddy for brushing my teeth and go to sleep.
In my bed, I like to dream that one day all of my teeth will fall out and I will have dentures like an old lady. It’s a great dream. I’m pretty sure I would have even more time at night to practice monkey faces.
About the Author:
“C” Medland is a 5-year-old girl who lives in Mississauga, Ontario, Canada. She loves drawing, Paw Patrol and hanging out with her grandfather. She hates to brush her teeth.
Author: Mark Medland
Mark Medland is a 40 something father of five who lives in Mississauga, Ontario. When he is not working at one of the big Canadian banks or raising his kids, he likes to cheer for the Habs and eat amazing food with his wife Vanessa.