Posts Tagged: pregnancy

The PANK Perspective: What should I name my baby?

Joe, Jim and Jack. That’s my dad and his brothers. I’ve asked him why my Grandmother named all 3 of her sons with names starting with “J” and he didn’t really have much of an answer for me except, “those were popular baby names back then.” It seems like it might still be on trend. He told me that when they were little she added “y/ie” to their names. Joey, Jimmy and Jackie. He hated it.

My SIL had considered naming my second nephew with a name starting with the same letter as his older brother, but because her and my bro couldn’t agree, she forfeited and let him choose. He didn’t have it start with the same letter.

A few months ago my boyfriend’s sister had a baby boy. His name was chosen well before he arrived, and it starts with the same letter as the names of his Mom, Dad and sister. She struggled with picking a name for the longest time, should it be a popular baby name or a unique baby name? She liked one, he didn’t. He liked another, she didn’t. Finally they decided, and this new bundle of joy fits perfectly within the ‘family club.’

So, this got me thinking…how do you go about naming your baby? Choosing a name for another human being that they have for a lifetime?

My Mom wanted to call me Laura, one of the popular girl names at the time, but my Dad thought it sounded funny with my last name. I wasn’t named until I was born, and she chose Diane. Not quite sure why, but she jokes it’s because Diane/Diana is “Goddess of the moon” and I was born breech.

Not many parents-to-be back then found out the sex of their baby before it arrived like they do now. So, when my brother arrived prematurely my parents didn’t have a name chosen. The doctors warned my parents to quickly name him because his chances of surviving were slim. They named him after my Dad, and obviously the little fighter lived and I grew up in a household with two people with the same name. Very confusing once my brother’s friends entered puberty and called for him. “Sr. or Jr.?” I would have to ask each time. Argh.

So, if you’ve been paying attention, you’ll know that my name is Diane, and my brother’s is Jack. Yes, just like the song; Jack and Diane. This wasn’t on purpose, however the song was released two months prior to my arrival, so perhaps Mom listened to it many times and in her exhaustion after 16 hours of labour she subconsciously chose my name.

I’ve fantasized about what I would name my would-be child. For a boy, I like a few, some of which are included in the top baby names such as; Kevin, Joshua, Randall, Benjamin and Elijah. If I do get pregnant and have a girl, I’ll need to resort to the trusted baby name book to assist me with girl names. However, right now, I really like the name Bridget. But then I played the “Banana-Rama” song with it and realized that it rhymes with a name that I wouldn’t wish upon her. I’m only 5’3” so if she inherited my short stature she’d be picked on. Kids are mean. This is the kind of stuff I sometimes think about. Whacked.

So, how did you come up with the name for your child(ren)? Are you a fan of popular baby names or uncommon baby names? Did you name your child after someone as my brother was? Did you want them to have the same initials as their sibling? Or, did you had the name chosen well before you met your bundle of joy?

About the Author:

Diane Morris is a PANK; Professional Aunt, No Kids and works for Mabel’s Labels as the Sales Coordinator. She’s an Aunt to two boys, and an “Auntie” to her boyfriend’s niece and nephew. She’s a sucker for romance, country music and peanut butter.

A Different Kind of Remembrance Day

Last week on October 15th, many mamas were lighting candles in remembrance. That day has been designated as National Pregnancy Loss & Infant Loss Awareness Day.

I had a miscarriage soon after my first child was born. My loss was accompanied with some guilt too – finding out I was pregnant while having a newborn left me horrified. I quickly adjusted to the thought of my “Irish Twins” and was devastated when I miscarried. Then came the guilt – how could I have initially greeted this pregnancy with such little enthusiasm? Guilt and being a mama – a match made in hell.

Almost 10 years has passed since that time but there are two occasions when I am particularly reminded about it:

1) When I see my friend who had a similar due date. Her little girl will be turning nine-years-old next month. I should have someone turning nine next month.
2) When filling out the paperwork in subsequent pregnancies, you are required to record how many live births you have had, and also how many pregnancies. My numbers don’t match. I get shivers thinking about the mamas out there whose numbers REALLY don’t add up, and by a long shot. Just can’t imagine having to write down: pregnancies: 8 / live births: 0

I often think about the mamas who have lost full-term babies or babies during the first year of life. I wonder what happens when they are innocently asked “so, how many kids do you have?”

I think that must be a torturous question – the answer could either make you feel you are not acknowledging your lost child, or alternatively, you have to explain the painful experience to every stranger who is making small talk.

I had a teacher in high school who was raising two daughters, five years apart in age. She had lost her middle daughter, who was severely disabled, after several years of caring for her three girls. She often had people comment to her: “two kids, five years apart in age – what an easy way to do it!”

Little did they know.

I hope that this Day of Remembrance tells the world that mama is entitled to her grief – no matter what form it takes or how long it lasts, which is often a lifetime. So, on this day let us remember our losses. In some ways for many mamas, it is a day like no other – a day that we love and miss our children.

You Get What You Get

Since most parents are not particularly fond of whining, “you get what you get and you don’t get upset” is a common mantra in many households. It is most often heard immediately following annoying requests such as “but I wanted to sit in THAT chair” or “no, not the blue plate, the RED one!”

The adult version of “you get what you get” is when you have a baby. Not a lot of social engineering is involved so you can’t exactly order a baby of a particular gender or personality type. You can’t even count on baby being healthy so parents everywhere have to take what we get.

When my son was diagnosed with autism, I was pretty darn sad. I quickly realized that it was time to look myself in the mirror and scream the mantra. Being upset was not going to help me and it certainly was not going to contribute to my son’s development.

My SIL had to say the mantra to herself a few years ago upon discovering she was pregnant for the third time. She had two little boys already but being pregnant again was not the issue. Indeed, she had decided to quickly squeak in one more baby, preferably a girl, before changing her mind on going for a third child altogether. You can likely predict the ending – instead of that little girl, she got identical twin boys landing her in the glamorous position of being a mama to four boys under four.

Despite our reproductive plans going a bit pear-shaped, both my SIL and I have survived our adventures with laughs and a lot of love. Strangely, we’ve experienced some disapproval from those on the outside. While pregnant with the twins, my SIL had to listen to comments such as “oh, how awful!” when announcing she was having two more boys. People have expressed that I must be crazy to have more kids considering my risk of having another child with autism. I get that raising a kid with autism or having babies two at a time may not be on everyone’s “bucket list” of things to do before dying, but I can think of worse things.

So we grown-ups get what we get, and as you have probably figured out for yourself – getting upset is pretty much pointless. I can’t imagine a world without my boy and I can assure you that my SIL wouldn’t trade in “Thing One” and “Thing Two” for the most adorable girlie pink princess up for offer.

kanizay boys
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