An Open Letter to my Kindergartener

Dad with his new kindergartener daughter.

Well kiddo, you made it. First day of school‎. I'd say I'm proud of you, but really you just had to turn 4 – which you did in January. Sorry it took so long. School has strange rules about birthdays and calendar years. On the plus side, according to Malcolm Gladwell, you'll be a really good hockey player amongst your age group, so I guess I better buy skates (or stop reading Malcolm Gladwell).

If you are reading this letter then it means that you're very advanced for your age. Kindergarten should ‎be a breeze for you, so I hope you crush the other children with your superior intellect. This will probably help you grow up to be some kind of super villain. When you take over the world, just remember who used to wipe your butt.

I know you are going to miss your mama, your house and your stuff. I’m sorry we couldn’t do home schooling but if you saw how much your mama and I had to pay in hydro while you were home over the summer then you would understand why we are getting you out of the house. Also, if you do school at home then where do you do homework….school? (cue Seinfeld theme)

Based on your school attire you've probably put 2 and 2 together (Basic addition! And at such a young age!) and discovered that party dresses and tiara's are NSFSY. ‎Also as much as you want to wear your hair down, that sucker is going to be in a permanent French braid until you're 19. Your mama and I barely have enough time for each other, let alone weekends performing search and destroy missions on your hair with nit combs and tea tree oil.

I hope you make a lot of new friends. ‎Preferably ones with cool parents because we need new friends too. Please stay away from mean girls. They have names that end in “i” that should end in “y” and they travel in packs and worship the night. Oh, and they are the ones that look like they are constantly smelling poo. If you were a boy and they were boys, then eventually you would get over it and become best friends. But as you are a girl and they are girls, chances are slim that you will ever get beyond first impressions and be frenemies for life. It’s a little known fact that George R. R. Martin wrote Game of Thrones will he was an elementary school teacher. Winter boots are coming!

I hope you have a good teacher and that he or she is nice to you. If you get the same teacher as your sisters then I'm sorry if they say your last name with a sneer. It’s less to do with how your sisters behaved and more to do with the time your mama and I had too much fruit punch at the student council meeting, staged an unsuccessful coup and tried to emancipate the school mascot “Nelson Chinchilla”. We also tried to get the school to switch to uniforms which, had we been successful, would have earned you the nickname “That Girl Who’s Parents Got Us to Wear These Stupid School Uniforms”. You’re welcome.

You are becoming a big girl now and going to school is a big, big step. And while I'm sure that you will handle the big day like a pro, don’t worry if you see a couple tears in your mama’s and my eyes when we drop you off. The school yard is infamous for its dusty air and luckily only the parents suffer from allergic reactions when they first come in contact.

Have a great year and please don’t get lice.

Love, Dad

 

 

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Picture of Mark Medland

Author: Mark Medland

Mark Medland is a 40 something father of five who lives in Mississauga, Ontario. When he is not working at one of the big Canadian banks or raising his kids, he likes to cheer for the Habs and eat amazing food with his wife Vanessa.

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